February 2023
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, Valentine’s Day can bring up a range of emotions from feeling lonely, anxious, stressed, disappointed, or depressed. Here are 5 tips on how to cope:
Step Back and Zoom Out – There is so much societal pressure to be happy and in love on this one day every year. It’s easy to compare our situation and feel sorry for ourselves when our Instagram feeds are overflowing with “perfect” couples having champagne and chocolates. If you find yourself having negative thoughts come up of “why didn’t my partner do XYZ for me today?” or “Am I going to be single and alone forever” take a step back and ask yourself: will it matter tomorrow, in a week, or in a month whether or not you had a picture-perfect, romantic evening with a partner on this one night? What does how you spend this holiday actually say about you or your relationship?
Set Intentions, Not Expectations – Because there is so much societal pressure around Valentines Day, we all come in with a lot of unrealistic expectations. The problem with having expectations on yourself or your partner is that if those expectations are not met, it can be quite disappointing. Instead, let’s all set some intentions of how we want to show up for ourselves and/or our partners. Some intentions might be: “I really want to be present for my partner so I will put my phone away at dinner.” Or “I want to treat myself to my favorite coffee drink to make myself feel special.”
Set Boundaries – Once you have a clear idea on your intention, what are some boundaries you need to set for yourself so you can follow through on those intentions? Do you need to mute Instagram for the day? Are there certain people in your life that you need to communicate your boundaries to so you can enjoy your day?
Practice Gratitude – Often people look at the love they don’t have in their life on this day. Can you look around and acknowledge the love you already have? The love you have for your family, your friends, and yourself. Take a moment to send thanks to all the love, not just romantic love, in your life.
Send Love – What is one actionable thing you can do to make someone else feel loved on this day? Whether that be calling your mom, sending a friend flowers, writing a love note to your partner, or taking yourself out for a nice meal, everyone, including you, could use a little extra love on this holiday.
January 2023
COVID-19 laid bare the fragility of U.S. mental health. Fortunately, Pelican Cove shines light on a way out of this storm. The idea: long-term, quality, dignified care to those who traditionally lack access, by quality, well-trained, well-cared-for clinicians. This model has served me well as a therapist. Here’s how:
Supervision
In our two-hour group and 1-hour individual supervision sessions, we focus on one or two clients, building the skill of psychodynamic case conceptualization with a more holistic, person-centered approach to therapy.
While we share common psychology, humans are unique, complex individuals with varying desires, neurology, family histories, cultural influences, and social locations that inform how we view ourselves, the world, and our place in it.
This approach humanizes our clients, letting us see the person beyond their diagnosis.
This vantage becomes a mirror to clients to see themselves as we see them, increasing self-compassion.
This type of supervision is, unfortunately, rare. A client’s case may get only a few minutes of supervision at other sites. Overbooked, understaffed agencies are left focusing on emergencies and band-aid interventions for symptom relief. They do not often have time or resources to unearth and target underlying, systemic, complex processes contributing to clients’ suffering.
Community
When I feel stuck or at an impasse in a client’s care, I reach out to a Pelican Cove alum to consult. This often creates a breakthrough in my client’s treatment, as the client and I have a deeper, fresh view of the client’s struggles, leading to new solutions.
My clients at Pelican Cove were treated with much more dignity and respect than I’ve seen in other agencies. This created a buy-in to longer-term treatment, which has included clients referring family members and friends, helping entire family systems and communities.
Many previous clients are still with Pelican Cove, years after I graduated. Others have followed me to other sites. The depth of our relationships is strong; their healing and progress are tangible and meaningful to them.
Therapist Care
Pelican Cove helped trained me to be a well-rounded therapist by:
Providing weekly didactic trainings for the full phase of client treatment, from intakes to termination. My cohort members at other sites did not receive this level of depth or number of trainings.
Ongoing work on setting boundaries and therapist self-care. Many therapists feel a calling to give back that draws us to this field. Unfortunately, this can lead to burnout without proper boundary setting. Boundary and therapist care work are weaved throughout our training and supervision, setting us up well in a field that often does not support this.
The Mission
While attending USC for my MFT degree, I concurrently completed a fellowship in community health. The Pelican Cove mission offers a model rarely seen in community health — one often acknowledged by other site directors and cohort members I visited as part of that fellowship. The private funding, sliding scale model helps solve some of our fields’ most entrenched issues: access to long-term, quality, dignified care, and proper, well-rounded, whole-person therapist training. As a Pelican Cove supervisor told me during my interview: “Once you learn this model and receive this training, you can take that as a foundation to any other agency. It will be there with you to draw from.” She was so right; I do so — often.
December 2022
The end of the year can be a busy time filled with anxiety, grief, excitement, and everything in between! As the new year approaches, many look for a fresh start and ways they can improve themselves. When New Year’s resolutions are set, we sometimes find ourselves struggling to keep them. No matter what we choose to do in the New Year, it is important that self-care is sprinkled in there! Here are some helpful tips and practices to get you starting 2023 in an intentional way:
Set attainable goals: If you are planning on setting a New Year’s resolution make sure it is achievable. Set SMART goals! (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timely) Setting a goal like “feeling better” is setting yourself up for failure. What can you specifically do to feel better? How often can you do it? Is it something you are capable of doing? How much time do you think you need to reach this goal? Having a more specific goal like practicing a new coping skill for anxiety twice a day is definitely lighting a path to guide you in the New Year!
Practice gratitude: It is hard to ignore how difficult these past few years have been, but we can still find ways to feel grateful for all the good we still have. Practicing gratitude looks different for everyone, so do what works best for you. This should not feel dreary, but the intent is to lift the spirit and reframe those negative thoughts. You can keep a gratitude journal bedside and write a few things you are grateful for every morning and/or night. You can also practice gratitude through meditations or writing letters to those that you love.
Practice self-compassion: This is a big one, folks! Self-compassion is exactly what it sounds like: giving compassion and loving kindness to ourselves (in a way you may be used to giving others). Rather than discouraging and beating ourselves up, self-compassion is all about supporting and encouraging ourselves especially during a difficult challenge. Try writing a love letter and providing affirmations to yourself or giving yourself that physical and supportive touch you may need. My absolute favorite place to explore self-compassion exercises is https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/
Make connections: Reach out to your loved ones in the new year. Go explore a new cafe with a friend you have been meaning to see. Try that new hike you have been meaning to go to with your partner. At the very least, give your loved ones a call. The pandemic caused so much disconnection, so find ways to reconnect and create more intentional and meaningful relationships this year!
Do what is best for you: This sounds easy but it can be a bit tricky when we are caught up in the busyness of our lives. Listen to your body and slow down when you need to. Take breaks when you get overwhelmed. Go to therapy. Be in nature. Be with loved ones. Not everyone has the same strategies when taking care of themselves. You might ask yourself: what am I missing right now that I need and value that could bring me joy or peace? Do your best to provide yourself with whatever that is.
We hope these tips help guide you in being more intentional about yourself and your relationships in the New Year!
November 2022
Let’s change the conversation being had around mental health. We have been raised in a culture that normalizes going to the doctor for a check-up or annual physical—even if we are not feeling sick. There are countless resources we can turn to in order to take proactive measures to protect our physical health. Why can’t we do the same for our mental health?
Our mental health can be thought about as our emotional, psychological, social well-being. It impacts how we feel and move in the world. Unfortunately, the stigma around mental health can serve as a barrier, preventing individuals from getting the help they need. Whether it is with a friend, family member, or co-worker, here are a few things we can keep in mind to help normalize mental health:
Have warmth and compassion
Be mindful of the language we use
Educate ourselves
Keep an open-mind
Provide resources and tools
Stigma can have a harmful effect on individuals who are experiencing challenges related to their mental health. It may lead to a decreased sense of hope, difficulties in interpersonal relationships, and a reduced chance of seeking or staying with treatment. It is important to recognize the multitude of factors that influence the beliefs we learn as it relates to mental health. We should ask ourselves—how is mental health talked about, or not talked about in our families, friend groups, and at work? What scripts about mental illness does the media perpetuate? We live in a world where we are absorbing hundreds and thousands of messages—how does this influence the way we view ourselves and others?
At Pelican Cove, we believe that therapy should be accessible to everyone, while also recognizing the reality that there are systemic barriers in place preventing equitable access to mental health services. Our health is comprised of both our physical and mental well-being. We cannot talk about one without the other, as they both rely on each other to maintain a sense of stability and equilibrium.
This month on November 29, 2022, it is Giving Tuesday—a day that encourages people to do good. Take a moment to think about how your act of generosity could impact someone. Will you be the voice that reminds someone who may be struggling, “you are not alone.”?
October 2022
As we begin to ease into Fall, the remainder of 2022 is also on the horizon. With this time period comes the last of our yearly celebrations, including Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, and so on leading to the New Year. There can be lots of excitement around the corner for individuals and families alike, but also times of gloom and “holiday blues” from missing shared experiences with loved ones.
Together, we will dive into a few approaches to coping with grief during the holidays and how to hold space for all experiences. At Pelican Cove, we push for inclusive backgrounds and lived hardships to be shared and treated in long-term therapy that may help improve your mental health.
Confronting Emotions: One way to cope with grief is to address any emotions that you feel are tied to this time period. This action will become a strong anchor point to reflect on and navigate through, as many will find themselves avoiding any interactions and associations with heartfelt memories. Though running toward the feelings can be a fearful process, it can also be an opportunity to create novel and fruitful experiences that may reshape any previously linked meanings.
Loved Ones and Boundaries: Furthermore, a person can surround themselves with loved ones while setting boundaries around gatherings. Family time and holiday parties tend to be a grand pressure point for folks who are not ready to attend and potentially face delicate relational dynamics. Allow for free expression about your current state-of-mind as well as your wants and needs from each event, even if it means only staying for a short while. Be sure to check-in with yourself and examine what feels right for you.
Healthy Coping Skills: Lastly, look into some coping skills that are best tailored to yourself. Whether you are alone or with friends and family, it can be helpful to have a set of coping skills which you can tune into during times when grief feels most present. Some common strategies include: hiking, meditating, practicing yoga, painting, going for walks, and creating journal prompts and/or validating affirmations. For instance, I find myself engaging in about 10 minutes per day to practice mindfulness and deep breathing exercises to center myself when grief becomes abundant. Take the opportunity to look into actionable steps that allow space from your thoughts, room to feel grounded, and alignment with the present moment.
If you find yourself struggling with subtle or intense grief during the holidays, please do not hesitate to contact us. The holiday season comes with a wide array of experiences and challenges that often go unaddressed, yet each difficulty is welcome to be worked on in our space.
We will be more than happy to assist you on your journey of growth and healing here at Pelican Cove.
August 2022
It is that time of year again; after a sun-filled summer we are all getting ready to pack up our backpacks and get back into our school routine. After a long break, it can be hard to get back into the groove of an academic routine. This article is going to highlight different ways you can get ready for success at school and with your mental health!
Tip 1:
Establish a Routine, and Start Early!
Going from no school work all day to 5 days a week of work, alarms, and assignments can be overwhelming! Before school starts up, try setting alarms to get used to waking up at the desired time again. Another thing to try is cooking and preparing healthy meals for the entire week. Not only is cooking a great self-care activity, it will save you a ton of time during the week. Slowly preparing for the start of the school year and making a plan to make your work/school day easier will allow you to slowly get adjusted to your school routine.
Tip 2:
Practice compassion and set realistic expectations
Society and outside forces place so much pressure on us to succeed in multiple roles as a student, friend, sibling, child, or an individual. Give yourself grace by recognizing what you have going on in your life. I often hear of high expectations put on students of all ages so learning to recognize your limits and setting boundaries are important skills to practice. Try to balance your life and school work. For instance, try doing homework for 30-45 minutes and then taking a 10-15 minute break. When someone tries to study in big chunks of time it can cause exhaustion and may lead to work being done incorrectly. Taking breaks is so essential!
Tip 3:
Normalize Stressful Emotions
While school starting again can sometimes bring up exciting feelings it can also bring up some anxiety. All the emotions you feel starting school are valid and normal! More people feel the same anxious feelings than you think. Trying your best not to place judgment on these emotions can help, “as the more you push them down, the more they tend to bounce back up” (NAMI). You can try acknowledging the feelings, saying it out loud, writing it on paper, and instead of judging it, thank it as a visitor and tell yourself “this emotion doesn’t define how I am, it is a visitor”. Look into local resources to help with processing these emotions, most college campuses have psychological services available. Although college campus based services may have limited sessions, the counselor you connect with can help you connect with more long-term resources.
At Pelican Cove, we strive to provide affordable long-term therapy to our community! If you need someone to talk to, feel free to reach out to us. We are happy to help you connect to local resources in your area. Mental health should be strengthened like a muscle: little by little you can build the skills to take care of yourself this summer and the start of the new school year!
June 2022
When young children are seen in therapy, usually the preferred modality is through play. We, at Pelican Cove, are excited to have a well-furnished play therapy room through generous donations and hard work by our staff! Our play therapy room is furnished to be a bright and happy place where children can feel welcomed and valued.
When people attend therapy sessions, they are usually expected to reflect on themselves and to articulate that to the therapist so they can engage in a dialogue that can lead to self-awareness, insight, and change. However, the abilities to reflect on one’s thoughts and emotions and to express them verbally do not develop until a child is a little older. Also, as you can imagine, it is difficult for a child to carry on a dialogue about deep and sensitive or painful issues with an adult for an hour! This is where the play comes in as a way to communicate about experiences and feelings, and to rehearse options for change.
During a play therapy session, a child is allowed to play out experiences or thoughts that they are struggling with. This play is interpreted by the therapist who can respond either through play or by helping the child to verbally express the experience. Through repeated play sessions, a child feels increasingly safe to explore beliefs, thoughts, and feelings that they usually keep hidden. Just as it takes a while for an adult to work through difficult concerns, play therapy can take some time, months or sometimes longer, for any improvements to be seen and experienced.
So as you can see, play therapy is very different from regular play that children engage in, just as talk therapy is very different from everyday conversations. We are excited to be able to provide this service to our child clients!
May 2022
Along with our primary mission of providing mental health counseling to underserved individuals, couples, and families, Pelican Cove is increasingly recognized for providing an exceptional advanced training program to local master’s and doctorate level graduate students in the field of psychotherapy. We are dedicated to providing not only the practical site experience that graduate students need to supplement their academic work but additional robust theoretical training. Our intent is to do our part to strengthen the field by sending supremely qualified therapists into the workforce.
Our practicum students are supported by weekly individual and group supervision as they start the practical experiential learning of becoming a therapist. Pelican Cove’s supervisors are experts in the field and locally licensed and practicing psychotherapists. In addition to providing supervision to our students, our supervisors (and other professionals) provide training throughout the year to our entire cohort at no cost. It is this specialized weekly training throughout the year that makes Pelican Cove truly unique. Students engage in a thirty-day orientation period prior to seeing clients and then commit to ongoing weekly training sessions for an additional 12 months. All of this on top of seeing their clients and engaging in extra community outreach and support! Our intensive training program is becoming quite sought after and, as a result, our students undergo a competitive interview process.
This month, we will sadly but proudly say goodbye to our outgoing student cohort and wish them well! They have been an amazing group and we congratulate them on their graduation. As we work through the demands of the pandemic, we have been able to invite our new students to in-person opportunities in our expanded office space with Covid safe practices in place. This new class (from graduate programs at USC, Pacifica, and Fielding) has hit the ground running and are already in the middle of their orientation and are preparing to see clients. Our students bring such energy to the agency; we are thrilled to welcome our new therapists in training!
